Meandering Dreams

Let me begin today's post with a back story.  It will end up relevant, I promise! When it came to finding a wedding dress, I tried on more than I will ever admit.  I began with a clear picture in my head: Old Hollywood Glamour, special details, no ballgown, no strapless, no lace-up.  Everywhere I went I came across strapless ballgowns and very few for me to try on since I was apparently the only girl who didn't want to look like a fairy tale princess on her wedding.  Along my search I found other dresses that intrigued me- drop-waisted, bubble hem, etc.  They were unique, had special details, and weren't ballgowns, but they didn't have the glamour I originally dreamed of.  I became convinced that I wasn't going to get what I originally was searching for so I decided that Hollywood Glamour was no longer a priority.   I put aside the pictures I had been drooling over for months and I went to the next bridal shop with a new collection of pictures that fit what I'd decided was what I now wanted.  I showed the consultant my pictures and she started bringing out dresses.  Hideous dresses. Dresses with pink tulle or frosting-like details.  Until she came out with a simple sheath with modest beading at an empire waist and lace cap-sleeves that lead to a lace-framed open back.  No Tulle, no ballgown, no lace-up and so glamorous.  I went into this shop looking for the dress I'd convinced myself I wanted, and left with the dress I had wanted all along.  I accessorized the dress with antique jewelry, a birdcage veil for the ceremony and a purple feather in my hair for the reception.  Perfect.

Here's where this story becomes relevant.

When I was in college, I had subscriptions to all the magazines I found inspiring: Interior Design, Elle Decor, House Beautiful, etc.  I had a clear plan of what I wanted to do with interior design career-wise.  I was to be a high-end residential and restaurant designer for high-end clients and celebrities.  In the years since school, however my vision has faded.  I stopped getting all the design magazines because instead of inspiring me, they now taunted me with the designs I felt I'd never have the opportunity to do.  I convinced myself I no longer wanted to be that designer because I felt it was unattainable.  Much like my wedding dress search, I had assured myself that my desires had changed because it was easier than admitting that the dress, or career that I wanted wasn't available.  In college, I told myself the path to design greatness was to get a good job at a large Boston design firm and make a name for myself.  Little did I realize then, at large firms, individuals become anonymous.  If I really wanted the dream job, I was going to have to work for it and forge a path, there was no clear-cut approach.  I don't regret the path I took- thanks to my job as an anonymous design employee, I have gained friendships that will last a lifetime and learned a great deal.  I do, however lament the fact that it took me 4 years to realize just how far I've strayed from my original dreams.  I have so much fun creating the ideal living space for myself, I would love to work one-on-one with the client and help them create the space of their dreams.  I am, though, more than just someone to pick out colors..... but that's a rant for another day.

I am very pleased to say I have subscriptions on their way for House Beautiful and Elle Decor (thanks to credit card points), and plan to get a subscription to Interior Design again soon (just need a few more points!).

Step One to figuring out who I want to be: expose myself to as much good design as possible, be inspired, and let myself DREAM again.